Uncle G’s FUN Movie Reviews: Bigfoot (2012 The Asylum)

First Published: 02 July 2012 – Classic Rock Radio (UK)
Uncle G’s FUN Movie Reviews
Spotlight: BigFoot (2012 The Asylum)
Authored by Gary “Uncle G” Brown
Twitter @GBrown0816

My pretty wife and I this past Saturday night, watched the SYFY Channel‘s new original movie, BigFoot. On one hand, it was absolutely horrible, and on many levels. Yet on the other hand, so cheesetastic, it would be one of those films that you didn’t want to miss if a fan of ‘cheesy low-budget B-Movies’.

With these types of films, a lack of money usually affects the whole production. It’s what happens when, as a filmmaker, you dream of having a budget in the millions, and instead, you’re asking actors to work for scale because you don’t have the budget to pay them properly, like what they might get if they do another production. Money is important. Pays the rent. The best people to hire, asking too high a figure to even be considered. Plenty of good films are still made under these circumstances. I’d label BigFoot a horror film, but in all actuality, this Bigfoot movie plays more like a comedy. And as far as cash goes, I’m sure the film profited like every other movie The Asylum makes. Laughing all the bank, as the old saying goes.

Note: The Asylum does seem to have a working/winning formula going on. Nowadays, the makers of TV’s hit zombie show, Z Nation, and of the popular Sharknado franchise. Also, as evident, I did buy the BigFoot Blu-ray ($5.00 at Walmart).

In a starring role, the Brady Bunch’s Barry Williams. I have always had the impression that Mr. Williams seriously could not act his way out of a paper bag. He seems to have only mastered after decades in the entertainment business, only a couple of moods to be in while playing his parts: happy or stressed. When I say happy, it’s more or less how one would appear naturally if in a good mood. Having a spring in their step. Remember the Brady Bunch characters? They were a lot of time, all nauseously like that. My guess would be that the iconic family show would be how Barry learned acting skills such as this.

When I say stressed, it’s uptight. In one scene, he’s dialing a cell phone. Imagine doing so using all your fingers. It looks like a spider is coming down for the kill. I looked at my wife and said, “he’s not calling anyone doing that.” I asked myself, I said;

Self, how hard could it be to pretend to be dialing a phone so it would look like you were really doing it?

A method actor would, for real, dial the damn phone. This guy instead has magic fingers; he could just wave over the phone keyboard, and then it would magically connect to the person he wanted. Meantime, my wife told me he looked constipated. I mentioned that maybe he should perhaps eat more fiber. Not that Williams heard me. His role here was that of a musician who had seen past success and who is now an environmentalist. His supporters are a small group of young, tantalizing women. At the beginning of the movie, they chain themselves to heavy equipment vehicles. Done so to no avail. Trees have to be removed to make room for a big concert, which is being promoted by the local radio station. It’s gonna happen, like it or not. 

Enter The Partridge Family’s Danny Bonaduce. He isn’t much better an actor than Barry Williams. Between the two, he would be the better thespian. At least Danny displays more than two styles of which to deliver his lines. Could have been the roles they were portraying? Williams is a no-nonsense environmentalist. Bonaduce, a local DJ and opportunist. Not that far a stretch for Danny, seeing as being a disc jockey is what he pretty much does in real life, nowadays. I heard his program more than once. Have always enjoyed the show.  

Get this! Classic hard rocker Alice Cooper makes a cameo. No shit! One of the funniest parts of the movie, by the way. Giving Alice his proper due, one of the better performances in the film, as well. 

BIGFOOT

This is all done by computer effects. Not that hard to find in the woods, I would imagine seeing that the creature would be over four stories tall. Think the Nancy Archer role in 50’s B science fiction film, Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. Now with LOTS more hair. Add to that the creature HATES all people.

I did love the way BigFoot killed its victims. My favorite way: pick them up and bite their heads off. For variety, other hapless victims he would throw great distances. Stepping on people like bugs was also a way it dealt with those it didn’t like. This, of course, provided for moments where seriously bad actors could hold their hands up and scream, pretending the monster was right there, and seconds away from being pounced on. Then oozing between BigFoot’s toes. Like I said, cheesetastic.

Special Effects

The Bigfoot monster wasn’t the worst. Other special effects were just downright laughable. Such as the helicopters that were helping hunt Bigfoot. all appeared to be like toy models. I’ve seen better in Godzilla movies by the way. You can tell the actors when doing these scenes had a green screen behind them. And very little if any, experience acting with any believably at all. Was that obvious! They might as well have thrown their fake guns aside, and started dancing the jig. Certainly, I would have enjoyed that more than watching people who claim they were actors, barely get through their acting assignment.

Other actors were involved that you might know their names; Televisions WKRP In Cincinnati, Howard Hesseman, and independent film studio, Full Moon Features Meridian actress, Sherilyn Fenn. I didn’t recognize the 47-year-old Fenn at all. She has that middle-aged lady look to her now. Which is cool. We all get older. When a younger woman, she was extremely beautiful. Posed in, Playboy Magazine. Wow! Done several films and television shows, such as Twin Peaks, over the years. Her acting skills nowadays appear on the same level as Williams. At least judging by this performance. So much so that I was hoping throughout the movie that Bigfoot would kill both. The 72-year-old Hesseman did the best among the three, playing a small-town mayor.

The Good News

The director had to have done this whole production tongue-in-cheek. Directed by actor Bruce Davison. As an actor, he’s given much better performances than the ones he’s directed here. I love to see a clip of just scenes of Bigfoot killing people. Another got killed when Bigfoot threw a porta-potty on them. It’s really a borderline comedy. Think of it as that, and the popcorn flick actually improves some. This helps because the script’s only other functional use is as an aide to assist in house training a puppy.

“Uncle G” RATES…BigFoot (2012 The Asylum)

Out of a ten-star rating, I give this film made by The Asylum…six stars. That’s being kind. It does have a fun cast, if not anything else. I blame the director and those behind the scenes for not capturing the full potential of what it could have been. More care with the overall special effects, making them just a tad more believable, instead of cartoonish, and I feel the movie could have been potentially a better-looking film. And not so much the Bigfoot monster. This was actually the star of the film. It’s a keeper. Down the road, I see endless possibilities with the Bigfoot character; Bigfoot Vs. 2-Head Shark, with the winner going against Mega Piranha, a 2010 Asylum film that also starred Barry Williams.

End of Column

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